Monday, May 30, 2011

Loving all that strong will

Ohhhhhhhhhhh my sweet perceptive, tenderhearted Calvin. I do love him so very much. He's such a sharp one, and constantly amazes me with his creativity, his ability to problem solve and he NEVER forgets anything. It's quite amazing actually.

Last week was rough and I've went toe to toe with his strong will day in and out. Thursday I had finally had enough, in tears I called Marvin and asked him to come home 30 minutes early. I'm so thankful he did.

I was exhausted, mentally and physically.

I was heartbroken over the sin I was witnessing in our little three year old's heart.

Frustrated that nothing I tried seemed to be working.

Feeling like my child was ………… (dare I even whisper it?)………….a monster

Feeling like a failure as a mom.

Thankfully shortly after Marvin got home and I was able to verbalize some of this, of course accompanied with tears, my sweet husband led us to the cross and together just poured out our concerns to Father. I had been praying, but it's amazing what happens when you pray with your spouse, I'm so thankful for that gift.

It's hard stuff, parenting a strong willed child. (Mom I'm so sorry for all the grief I gave you through the years. Seriously, sorry.) But we love this little guy too much, and plan on trying to figure out what works with him.

You know if you have a strong willed child, it doesn't take long to figure it out. Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about, here's just a little example: I usually give Calvin two choices every morning at breakfast: a green cup or a blue cup and 99% of the time chooses yellow or something that is not a choice. You may be thinking, "Oh not a big deal." But it's like this every. Single. choice.

Being strong willed myself I completely understand this and after being so exasperated I dug out a stack of books, Thanks E! I flew threw Cynthia Ulrich Tobias's "You can't Make me" and it was so good. It was a good to hear someone define a strong willed child and some of their traits.  It made sense how he operates and the importance behind the rules, having a good answer to the infamous why question. Being strong willed myself I say she did a faboulous job writing this book. I highly recommend it to anyone.

So here's where I seek your advice. I know several of you are parents to strong willed children, parented a strong willed child, even are strong willed yourself. Please I'd love any advice I can get.

1 comment:

Terri H said...

I really shouldn't give any advice, only sympathy. Your example gave a very clear picture of the strong-willed child, and I do see how that would be a big deal, played out all day long! My knee-jerk reaction to your example would be to stop offering the choice, thereby stop giving him the opportunity for defiance. That might cause more problems, though. I have no idea. Prayers and sympathy...