Friday, August 27, 2010

Staying Put

I had a good long chat with our doctor at this week's appointment and can I just say how much I appreciate her. She is just so sweet, I knew she had a ton of patients waiting, and also had a patient who was in labor, but she didn't hesitate to spend time talking about her thoughts on returning home and answering a million questions I had. Everything looks normal and my body is showing no signs of premature labor right now, but since I have excess fluid I'm at risk of my water breaking at any time, with no warning. Even though the contractions I am having right now are painless they can still push things along. So with that being said and the lack of frequent flights out of our city and the neonatal care available there, she recommended I not travel home, and our second doctor agreed.

Thankfully Marvin and Calvin are going to join me very soon!!! I cannot wait to have our family back together again. It makes skype much more bearable knowing I'll get to see them soon. I am very thankful for that because every day I've talked to them our call usually ended with me in tears.

I've had a ton of time to reflect on what a gift my family is. It's been very strange being in a place where I'm not asked to read a million books every day, or if I want to play soccer ball, candy land, and go fish every 5 minutes. I haven't had to sweep the floor 4 times a day, my laundry pile is very small and I haven't had something to look forward to everyday, Marvin coming home from the office. I am so thankful that Father has given me the opportunity to be a wife and mom. I wouldn't have it any other way. Strangely enough I miss the normal boring parts that come with those roles.

I've also been confronted with the reality that I do not like to share. This pregnancy has been tough. Marvin's done a great job at reminding me that I have a responsibility right now to make sure this little boy stays put and that nothing is worth jeopardizing that. I whole heartedly agree, but it's hard to accept sometimes. I'm not officially on bed rest, PTL, but I am on a very restricted activity level, which I'll take any day over bed rest. It's frustrating not being able to walk places and every day I find myself just desiring that freedom. But right now my body is not just my own and even if it means it's going to be a nightmare getting back into shape after he arrives it's worth it.

When we found out I would have to travel out I could not stop crying, I honestly did not want to go. It's hard for me to accept that my body has problems handling pregnancy. At the start of this pregnancy we were both very hopeful that things would be different, and thankfully I have not gone into premature labor this time. It was hard for me to accept the fact that I am not in control of this pregnancy, and that everything is not normal. As I sat and thought about my friend who lost her baby a day after she was born in Nineveh due to inadequate neonatal care, it breaks my heart and is terrifying to even imagine having to go down that road. So after many tears and many conversations with Father the news our doctor shared with me this week was not unexpected, not even unwelcomed. She asked me before she shared her opinion, if I would be mad at her if I stayed in Turkey and never went into labor until 36/37 weeks? I looked at her and honestly said no, I am so thankful for the wrestling I did with Father over this issue and so thankful for the sense of peace he has given me about being away from home longer than we planned.


Carrie said...

You are amazing, and it is such a blessing to read your words and see your beautiful, Gdly perspective. You are in our prayers- Marvin and Calvin too. I can only imagine how hard this is. Until I read this this morning I was feeling sorry for myself that Andrew is going to be out of town for one night. (I'm at 35 weeks and 3cm- and surrounded by plenty of people who are willing and able to help me at a moments notice) You have given me a new outlook! Love you all!! -C (I just realized I haven't sent you the blog link- I'll do that right now!)

Sandie said...

Sounds like your heart(and your body!) is just where it needs to be. At peace, but fiercely missing your two main men. We are rejoicing with you that they get to join you soon.

Sherry said...

Oh Erica Dawn, I've been doing a terrible job of commenting, but I have been reading and thinking of you daily. You are amazing, I just love you so much. So thankful you are in great care and will be reunited with your boys soon!