Today I found myself with lots of mixed emotions, eagerness, excitement, nervousness, fear, sadness, happiness, relief because tomorrow Seth will move up in the ranks of our family and the youngest child title will be passed along to his brother. It has left me very weepy.
Seth has been our baby, and even though we never got to experience all the baby things with him, he’s held that sweet tender place in our family. In my mind it's hard to come to terms with the fact that he will be a big brother tomorrow.
But here we are on the edge of adding to the family the Lord has given us and I’m sad. Sad because life moves forward without Seth, and I miss my little boy and all the memories that would have been filled with him this past year. Sad to think that maybe others will think we’re done grieving because the Lord has filled our arms again. Sad because this is another thing we have to do without him.
I’m nervous about birthing another child. Nervous about for his health and safety. Nervous of what tomorrow will bring.
But there is a huge part of me that cannot wait to meet this little blessing whom the Lord has knit into our family. My prayer going to bed tonight is that I would wake up in the morning with joy and peace in my heart and my heart would not be overshadowed with fear and sadness. I’d love your prayers today more than ever.