Today I found myself with
lots of mixed emotions, eagerness, excitement, nervousness, fear, sadness,
happiness, relief because tomorrow Seth will move up in the ranks of our family
and the youngest child title will be passed along to his brother. It has left me very weepy.
Seth has been our baby, and
even though we never got to experience all the baby things with him, he’s held
that sweet tender place in our family. In
my mind it's hard to come to terms with the fact that he will be a big
brother tomorrow.
But here we are on the edge
of adding to the family the Lord has given us and I’m sad. Sad because life moves forward without Seth,
and I miss my little boy and all the memories that would have been filled with
him this past year. Sad to think that
maybe others will think we’re done grieving because the Lord has filled our
arms again. Sad because this is another thing we have to do without him.
I’m nervous about birthing
another child. Nervous about for his
health and safety. Nervous of what tomorrow will bring.
But there is a huge part
of me that cannot wait to meet this little blessing whom the Lord has knit into
our family. My prayer going to bed
tonight is that I would wake up in the morning with joy and peace in my heart
and my heart would not be overshadowed with fear and sadness.
I’d love your prayers today more than ever.
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