Monday, July 30, 2012

My Tears

Many of our friends are spread out all over the world and even though many of them haven’t been able to give us physical hug it’s been so sweet to get emails or comments on this blog saying they are weeping with us.

I never knew how tears could comfort so much, and they flow pretty quickly these days.  We’ve just now entered into a culture where tears after death are not acceptable.  I haven’t had to face this one head on but I imagine it will be difficult because my tears are a way to release the pain, a tangible way to express the heaviness of my heart.

It’s comforting to know that my tears are being bottled up by the same God who holds my Seth today.  I’ve never really understood that verse but it is starting to become clear after losing Seth.  Each tear is a representative of the heaviness of my heart, the ache that I feel losing my sweet baby boy and you know that’s valuable to God.  He doesn’t wipe them away, and pretend they don’t exist, it says he stores them.  He values them enough to keep them.  That means so much to my heart.

I just started a new book given to me by my friend who lost their daughter Cora and it's been good so far.  Here are a few words by Nancy Guthrie in the book Holding onto Hope:
“….those who shed their tears with me show me we are not alone.  It often feels like we are carrying this enormous load of sorrow and when others shed their tears with me, it is as if they are taking a bucketful of sadness and carrying it for me.  It is perhaps the most meaningful thing anyone can do for me.”

So I’m thankful to those of you who have taken a bucketful of sadness for me for a while.

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8 NLT


Sandie said...

Erica, your sweet openness has me in tears almost every time I read your blog entries. I'm so thankful that you are able to shed these tears and not have to suppress them! My tears are flowing, so count me as one who is carrying a bucket for you!

Andrea said...

Erica, I always read your blog and always want to comment. I have been crying with you since I found out you were returning to the states and were concerned for Seth's health. 'The wave' is so hard. My story is far different, but I've experienced 2 of the 3 waves (the facebook announcements around the same time I should have been doing the same, the gender announcements and in a few months, I'll be at this one). I am so sorry and so sad you have to experience this pain. Thank you for sharing. You are an encouragement. Praying for you and your fam.