Saturday, June 16, 2012

Saying Goodbye {Seth's Story Part 3}

When we got to the NICU on Sunday morning, Seth wasn’t oxygenating well.  When he was on the ventilator that was delivering the flo lan and he wasn’t able to get rid of the CO2, when on the oscillator he wasn’t able to get enough oxygen.

The doctors made sure we were close to him.  His nurses made space for us.

Someone was pulling air out of his chest manually every minute.

Things weren’t improving.

After consulting with the respiratory specialist the decision was made to attempt to deliver the flo lan through the oscillator that he responded well to.  It had never been done, but they decided to try.

After several minutes it became apparent that it wasn’t working.  He had several nurses working hard pulling air off his chest.

His little lungs weren’t working properly and his oxygen levels had been low for a very long time.

We eventually heard the words we had dreaded.  Things weren’t working; there was nothing else they could do for him.

We were given the opportunity to hold Seth.  I couldn’t wait to get my arms around him.  I finally had the chance to hold my sweet baby boy, to kiss his sweet cheeks.  It was bittersweet.

We were able to sing to him. 
Pray over him. 
Talk to him. 
Tell him how much we loved him. 
How proud we were of him. 
How thankful we were to be his parents.
How it was okay for him to run to Jesus.

It was such a sweet time and such a painful time.

We kept our eye on his numbers knowing our time with him was limited.

Eventually his doctor checked his heart.
He was gone.
He went from our arms into the arms of Jesus.
I didn’t want to let him go.
I wanted to hold my baby forever.
But eventually I was able to let go.

His nurses removed his tubes.  Told us that they would clean him up and bring him to us.

As we left the NICU I hated walking out of those doors without Seth.

That morning I made a playlist for Seth.  We quickly grabbed our computer and headed to a room they told us to go
While we waited I just poured my heart out to Jesus through songs.

Our nurses washed his little body before they brought him to us, his hair was so soft and the same color of his brother’s hair was when they were born. We finally were able to see him without any tubes.

My parents and sister were there and they were able to hold him as well.  Marvin’s brother, our sister-in-law and nephews were there too.  They were able to cry with us. 

When the time came to say goodbye Marvin prayed.

Seth’s nurse came in.  We had asked for his footprints.  She had already made a little mold of his footprints and handprints for us, but I wanted to have his footprints inked to put them in my Bible.

Then we had to give him to the nurse.  I think that was the toughest thing I have ever done.  Even though I knew he was with Jesus, completely restored.  It was so hard to hand him to her, knowing the next time I would see him would be in eternity.

But we did.
The Lord gave us the strength.
Seth forever changed our family.

Even though our hearts still long to have a different ending, we’re so thankful to be Seth’s parents.  We were so blessed to get to have him even for just a few days.

Going back just a few weeks ago, his name just feels so fitting.

Seth Asher….anointed and blessed.

Oh how we’ve been so blessed through Seth’s life.


Anonymous said...

Marvin and Erica,

No words can really express what I want to say. You did a beautiful job writing Seth's story, Erica. Thank you for allowing us a window into an incredibly tender time in your lives. I can't wait to meet Seth one day. I'm certain he's every bit as sweet as you say. Love to you all......Becky

Michelle said...

That last picture of the three of you is so, so sweet! I'm so sorry for your loss but rejoice with you that Seth is no longer struggling or hurting. We are praying for you all as you grieve.

Marie said...

No words. Just love.

Sherry said...

Know your sweet boy is dearly loved, prayed for and missed. Love you friend. So much. Praying for you all the time.

Singing Away said...

Thank you for writing all this out, and opening up the window of your heart. I cried as I pryd for you, again. And I will continue to do so!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your walk through this. I am moved toward God alone. Love and peace through Christ.

Shelley Faerber Camba

Julie said...

Thank you for sharing Seth's story. Tears are currently running down my cheeks; I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to let him go. Yet, even as you described the hardest day(s) of your life, I saw Christ shining through you. Your response. Your peace. Your trust . . . none of that is "normal." It is very much Christ in you. Praying that His grace is sufficient for today. Hugs.