When we got to the NICU on Sunday morning, Seth wasn’t oxygenating well. When he was on the ventilator that was delivering the flo lan and he wasn’t able to get rid of the CO2, when on the oscillator he wasn’t able to get enough oxygen.
The doctors made sure we were close to him. His nurses made space for us.
Someone was pulling air out of his chest manually every minute.
Things weren’t improving.
After consulting with the respiratory specialist the decision was made to attempt to deliver the flo lan through the oscillator that he responded well to. It had never been done, but they decided to try.
After several minutes it became apparent that it wasn’t working. He had several nurses working hard pulling air off his chest.
His little lungs weren’t working properly and his oxygen levels had been low for a very long time.
We eventually heard the words we had dreaded. Things weren’t working; there was nothing else they could do for him.
We were given the opportunity to hold Seth. I couldn’t wait to get my arms around him. I finally had the chance to hold my sweet baby boy, to kiss his sweet cheeks. It was bittersweet.
We were able to sing to him.
Pray over him.
Talk to him.
Tell him how much we loved him.
How proud we were of him.
How thankful we were to be his parents.
How it was okay for him to run to Jesus.
It was such a sweet time and such a painful time.
We kept our eye on his numbers knowing our time with him was limited.
Eventually his doctor checked his heart.
He was gone.
He went from our arms into the arms of Jesus.
I didn’t want to let him go.
I wanted to hold my baby forever.
But eventually I was able to let go.
His nurses removed his tubes. Told us that they would clean him up and bring him to us.
As we left the NICU I hated walking out of those doors without Seth.
That morning I made a playlist for Seth. We quickly grabbed our computer and headed to a room they told us to go
While we waited I just poured my heart out to Jesus through songs.
Our nurses washed his little body before they brought him to us, his hair was so soft and the same color of his brother’s hair was when they were born. We finally were able to see him without any tubes.
My parents and sister were there and they were able to hold him as well. Marvin’s brother, our sister-in-law and nephews were there too. They were able to cry with us.
When the time came to say goodbye Marvin prayed.
Seth’s nurse came in. We had asked for his footprints. She had already made a little mold of his footprints and handprints for us, but I wanted to have his footprints inked to put them in my Bible.
Then we had to give him to the nurse. I think that was the toughest thing I have ever done. Even though I knew he was with Jesus, completely restored. It was so hard to hand him to her, knowing the next time I would see him would be in eternity.
But we did.
The Lord gave us the strength.
Seth forever changed our family.
Even though our hearts still long to have a different ending, we’re so thankful to be Seth’s parents. We were so blessed to get to have him even for just a few days.
Going back just a few weeks ago, his name just feels so fitting.
Seth Asher….anointed and blessed.
Oh how we’ve been so blessed through Seth’s life.