Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Healing {Physically}

It’s been 2 weeks since I gave birth to Seth.  Things are healing. 

All along I really felt like the Lord healed my body quickly.  I only had to take ibuprofen in the hospital after the initial dose of who knows what shortly after the spinal block wore off.  I was able to stand up and walk several hours after the delivery and spend the next day up and walking.

I was thankful to be able to be present for Seth’s life without being loopy on pain meds.  That was a gift.

But this physical healing is a funny thing.  Part of me is very sad that I’m healing.  It’s a very real connection to Seth and it feels like he is going way again.  As my incision doesn’t hurt as much every time I bump I sometimes I feel like crying wishing it hurt still more.

My stomach is gradually going down.  My heart longs to not look pregnant.  With the other boys I didn’t really worry about the weight loss right away.  I could proudly tote my precious newborn around, and my physical appearance was sort of a battle wound.  This time around how I long for my stomach to shrink as quickly as possible.  It’s hard to have to wait to exercise.

At the same time it’s where Seth was and every time I look in the mirror I remember him.  I fear that will disappear as I hopefully get thinner.

But my heart can’t take comments from strangers, especially as we look towards heading back home.  So even though it’s hard, I’m praying that the baby weight comes off quickly.


Michelle said...

Sweetie, you'll always have a physical scar to remember him by...something that's only his...

I can't imagine wanting nothing more than to move on with life as quickly as possible in one aspect, and to hold onto Seth in every way possible in another aspect. It's a balance that I'll be praying that you find. =)

Marie said...

I wish I could go places with you and protect you from the hurtful comments. I really wish I could.