Well I’ve been a little slacking on the blogging. Life just hasn’t given any time to sit and let my fingers unpack and capture a few things with words.
I’m thankful that we are settled in the house where we will spend our time in the states, that I have a good game plan for homeschool this fall, and that I haven’t had to touch a suitcase in a week.
Many have asked about this pregnancy and it’s been a journey in trusting the Lord. In fact just in the last week have I even let myself prepare for his arrival. There are still moments when the “what ifs” hold my heart at ransom but the fact that he’s going to be here in about a month (by my gut) and this little innate nesting thing have helped me prepare a little more.
To sum up this pregnancy I think Calvin puts it best when he prays for his new brother, “Lord, please help this baby not die right away, and for it not to have any problems like Seth did.” Some days those prayers from his little lips bring tears to my eyes. My little Calvin doesn’t want to see pain again, and wants to play with this little brother. His mama feels the same way.
So it’s been hard, and it’s been a daily battle to enjoy this little man and not be gripped by fear.
Thankfully he’s looking very healthy, no signs of hydrops but I do have an abundance of amniotic fluid. So I look much more pregnant than I am. We were able to see the perinatologist and all test came back normal, although the excess fluid it puts me at risk for preterm labor and stillbirth. All things that came with the diagnosis of polyhydramnios with the other boys, but those words are very real to me now. I have emotions tied to them and pray desperately the Lord will keep this little guy safe in my womb until 36 weeks.
My OB tried to reassure us that things are looking great and that even if he does come early I’m getting to the safe point, where the death rate for preemies drops to 2%. What he meant for comfort, didn’t take root in my heart because we’ve had a baby in that 2%, we know that it’s possible, that only the Lord knows the number of our days. The thought of it happening again is terrifying.
Thankfully the perinatologist is monitoring me weekly, with ultrasounds. It’s been good for my heart to have that reassurance that he’s still okay on a weekly basis. Plus getting a peek at our guy each week has been fun. We’ve been told he already has hair and he’s got some pretty sweet cheeks that I can’t wait to smoother with kisses, in a month.
I’m having some consistent contractions and trying my best to rest when I can and let my crazy boys run circles around me. Marvin and I would really love to attend a conference for parents who have lost children in Nashville on Labor Day weekend. But if this little man comes before then, we’re just praying he’ll be healthy and safe.
Thanks for continuing to pray for us and for the health of our 4th son.