Saturday, March 23, 2013

I weep with them

Over the last couple of months two sweet friends of mine have lost babies.  The medical community calls them miscarriages, but my grieving heart knows they lost a child.  I know their hearts are hurting in a way only those who have experienced a loss of a child can comprehend.

It's hit me harder than I anticipated.  Maybe because I understand a little more of their pain, while each of our losses are different there is something my heart understands in a way that is different than before.  I guess you can consider it a heart bond us loss mom share.  It's a gift I treasure.

I know the pain of spending my baby's due date reflecting on the what ifs, with no baby in my arms or stomach.  Staring at newborns and just longing to have mine in my arms.  Smiling and trying to be joyful for friends expecting around the same time, yet my heart was aching.  So I've been grieving for these little ones and particularly my sweet friends who do not yet walk the streets of glory and yet their children do.

It's made me miss Seth more this past month.  It's taken me back to those raw moments..... the stethoscope of his doctor touching Seth's little chest, and then hearing the words "there's no heartbeat."  If you haven't heard those words, they are just as you can imagine, utterly crushing.  I know my friends will replay that moment about a million times and I weep with them.

One of these friends who lost their sweet baby recently sent me a book.  The Lord allowed Micah to sleep for 2 1/2 hours during his nap time one Saturday and Calvin was out with Marvin so I just sat in my chair and cried through the entire book.  It was a sacred time of reading, praying and pouring out my heart. I've thought of this quote often since reading that book, "It is a good thing to wait upon him in a well-watered land.  It's a [holy] thing to wait upon Him in a barren landscape."  Andree Seu.

Even though I'd rather be on well watered land I'm thankful for the barrenness I've experienced through losing Seth.  I'm so thankful for these holy moments.  I treasure them, and I long for the well watered landscape of heaven.

This was exactly what my heart needed to hear today.  May it bless you too.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

That's a beautiful song. Did you know you can download his albums for free on Noisetrade until tomorrow?