Approaching

This week is one I’ve been dreading for the last two months.  My heart has been extremely heavy.  Tears well up as I even think about it. 

How do you celebrate a first birthday without your child?

That question has been haunting me.  It’s led me to the cross with such intense brokenness lately.  The Lord has reminded me that, he’ll never leave me and I have felt his comfort in allowing me to breathe through the heartache I’m currently feeling.

As we’ve approached these life changing dates I close my eyes and relive the fear, desperation and fear that accompany them.  The pain is just as real today as it was a year ago.  Maybe it’s made more real by the little feet kicking in my belly this year, making it every easy to remember Seth’s movement in my womb.  Yet this year all I have are memories and the space he occupied is where his little brother’s growing and not Seth.

A year ago I was praying that the Lord would heal and save our son.  Today I’m praying for the strength to breathe and to praise him for Seth.  To be thankful for the gift Seth continues to be.

We are hoping his birthday will be a day we can remember a sweet gift he is and extend it to others.

So we invite you if you feel led to love on others on Seth’s Birthday, Saturday June 1^st.  Pay for a stranger’s meal, leave some money with a note in a vending machine, give some encouragement to a young mom or friend, take flowers to someone who needs a little cheering up or a complete stranger at the hospital, bring a box of donuts to the hospital waiting room, hid or give away free bottles of bubbles at the park, send a letter to someone and tell them how much a blessing they are to you….  The possibilities are endless.

I made a little printable that you are free to print and attach.  If you do something we’d be blessed to hear about it and even more blessed to see pictures.

Thanks for loving us through a really hard year.

a morning captured

We had some talented college girls come and spend a semester in our city, and one of them took some pretty fun family photos of us.  I was just hoping for one good one out of our morning, because Micah isn't exactly the easiest little one to photograph (which is why the last family photo we have he's upside down).

But not she was able to get a lot more than one good one, she's a talented one.  Thanks J!!!  Here are some of my favorites....

This one perfectly captures Micah's independent spirit.

It was at this point where we were all trying to convince Micah to come and hold Calvin's hand, we started walking and Micah stayed put.  A couple seconds later Calvin pipped up and said, "Umm, I don't think it's working."

oh Boy

Another little boy!

I guess we're on a roll.

4 boys.

I love it!

Mother's Day

I've never put much significance in Mother's Day.  Sure it's nice to be honored, because this job is hard and one that is navigated with much prayer and patience, which I'll confess I need more of.  However this year I was dreading it.

I'm thankful for the gifts I receive on a daily basis.  The surprise behind the back hugs I get from my Micah man, his little voice that says read books as he climbs into my lap.  Random "I love yous" throughout the day from Calvin.  Giggles, stories, car sounds, yet there's a third voice that isn't a part of the three boys I have welcomed into the world and sometimes that silence is deafening.  I often wonder what the decibel level would be like in our house with Micah and Seth so close in age.  What the dynamics would be between them.

So on days like Mother's Day it's hard to celebrate fully because a piece of what defines me as a mother isn't physically present.

This morning I saw this on facebook and perfectly summed up how I was feeling.  What a beautiful Portrait of a Mother she painted.