Rabbits, Santa and Pirates oh my

Calvin had his New Year performance at preschool this week.  He did a really good job and I'm always so amazed at the work his music teacher and teachers put into putting on a good show and I’m so thankful for that.  It will be fun memories he’ll have for years.

Performance is highly valued here, and every child had a few lines to say, some sang solos, some had lots of lines, definitely different than the short 15 minute preschool programs in the states, his was an hour long.  Micah got a bit restless at about the 40 minute mark.

playing a racing game around the Christmas tree

However as extravagant as it was, it had a very bizarre plot.  Sometimes things like that remind me that Calvin is growing up in a very different place than America.  This year his New Year performance included pirates slipping Santa something in his drink, which made him fall asleep so they could kidnap the snow queen, and then held her for ransom for presents and finally the pirates pulled swords and guns on Santa when they found out they were given fake candies.  In the end Santa prevailed over evil.  But there were a couple of suspenseful moments during the play I could tell Calvin was a little nervous about.

Here’s a few snippets from the show. Calvin was a part of the  rabbit Calvary soldier drumming line.  He made a very cute rabbit solider and took his drumming very seriously.

 

Of course he had a few lines to say too.  He did such a good job this year of saying them loudly and this year we didn't even have to work on them at home.

In case you didn’t believe me about the whole pirate thing.

TWO and three months

TWO and three months

Well my little Micah man is two, which just happens to be his favorite number.  Actually it’s the only number he knows, but when asked how old he is, he’ll say it with passion.  I love it.

What a gift this little man is.  He certainly keeps us on our toes.  But oh my does he bring some good laughs.  I’m so thankful that I’ve got the opportunity to be his mom for the past 2 years (and three months).

It seems like my Micah stories are endless…..maybe because he’s just so curious, and quiet…and fast.

Snapshot @ Two……

Motor skills are your specialty.  We often call you our little jumping bean and I think bouncing houses were made for you.  You’re our budding alpinist; if you are determined enough no height will stop you.  Another favorite game you like to play is called; see how fast mommy can run to catch me.  Once eye contact has been made you’ll jump regardless of how close I am.  We’ve had some close ones but thankfully I’ve made it just in time.

You love to throw things; we’re working on finding the appropriate objects that may be thrown right now.  Although that time you threw your roast beef past Aunt Nat and hit your brother in the face during prayer time at dinner was classic.

You’re strong and one of your favorite games to play is to run from behind someone if they are sitting on the ground/bed and jump on their back and try to pull them to the floor.  You win that game a lot.  You also know how to hold onto a toy when someone else is trying to take it.  A skill necessary with local playmates.

You love playing with your brother’s little legos and your duplos.  You can spend hours building, building and building.  Usually cars or airplanes…. and those noises, you are great at sound effects.  When you are not building you usually are playing with your beloved tractors, trucks or cars.

Recently you’ve started becoming interested in art projects but I think it’s more about pointing at the fridge and showing me what you made often throughout the day.

You still take eating seriously.  You come to the table with a plan and there is no playing around. You know the routine.  Get in your chair, strap in, add your tray and fold your hands for prayer.  You love pizza, and any form of bread, you adore cheese, noodles and fruit.  You are hit and miss on your veggies and still will not take a drink of milk without spitting it out.  But oh how you love yogurt and I’m always amazed at how much you can eat.

You love to read and love to curl up on our laps and will keep bringing book after book. 

You still are a terrible sleeper, but thanks to blackout curtains you’ve learned to sleep until 7:00 a.m., well some days.  You are an active sleeper, and recently we’ve been woken up one too many times to a foot kicking our heads from little boy who’s slipped in bed with us, and decided that laying horizontally along our pillows is the best place to sleep.

You’ve finally started saying more words and are starting to use 3 word sentences.  Your memory is improving and almost daily you tell me “bird, shhhheeeeewwww, mama bye, bye.”  While pointing at the balcony and still remember the very traumatic event a few months ago when you went out on the balcony and a bird flew right past your ear and I had to face my own fears of birds and open the window for our little birdie friend to escape.

And last but not least those eyebrows….you can communicate so much with those things. 

I love those little brown eyes with curiosity glistening in them.  I love that we have to work a little to get a smile out of you.  Love how you get excited over tractors and trucks.  I love your requests to be held.  The snuggling and wrestling, the bear hugs, the passion you have for life.  I have a feeling this year is going to be a good one to help shape your character.  I pray daily for you to grow into a leader after God’s heart.

I love you Micah Man.  All 35#s of you.

The hard places

This was written after reading this piece.  This is my reality.......

There have been some really difficult things the past five months.  Initially there were many. 

Leaving the hospital with empty arms. 

Buying one outfit for Seth…the one we chose to bury him in.

Choosing a tiny coffin and not a baby bed

Getting Seth’s birth certificate with the words Infant Death stamped across it.

Receiving an autopsy report in the mail. 

The hospital bills, and insurance statements, delivered daily, could be equated to salt in a wound, making the pain throb more.

Those were all hard, very hard.

But recently it’s been the things that have snuck up on me that have been difficult.

Decorating the boys’ birthday cakes this year was so very difficult for me.  I cried through each one as I was reminded that I’ll never be able to see his Seth’s face light up at a sight of a birthday cake. 

As we got the boys ready for our fall party, I couldn’t help but wonder which super hero Seth would have loved.  I wondered how cute he would have looked in a miniature costume this year and that’s all I was left with…wondering…dreaming…missing him

Seeing little babies for the first time, those who Seth was supposed to grow up with… grieving more unrealized dreams I had for him.

Turning the calendar page again…marking another month without him.

My reality is that I sometimes cry when I do the mundane tasks, like washing laundry for only two little boys, some days when the baskets are empty I wish I had more, wish they were still overflowing, but they aren’t. 

There are days when I close my eyes and I replay every second I held Seth in my arms.  The words from Seth’s doctor saying there is nothing else they can do, pierce my heart a little more each time they are replayed. 

My reality is wishing I had just one more minute with him in my arms.  My reality is caring for two active boys beaming with life wanting to give them all of me and yet sorrow creeps in and brings Mommy to tears…again.  They’ve become accustomed to my tears. 

My reality is pondering heaven and not milestones.

The rustle of leaves is now beneath our feet.  We are walking uncharted territory as we head into the holiday season and that is really hard to get excited about.

It’s these little things that bring me back to reality and literally take my breath away.  I’m sure there will be many more, but for now I face each one head on.  I pray for the strength to endure them and that my eyes will be open to the gift that comes with each one.

This is my reality at 5 months without him.